I met a fellow local on the promenade yesterday on the way back from walking the dogs. She pointed out ahead of me a couple, with two large buckets, and told me that she’d just had a word with them. The two buckets were full of stones from the beach. Their conversation apparently went something like this:

“Those stones are part of the sea defences and you shouldn’t really be taking them”
“I don’t think 2 buckets of stones will make much difference
“If every visitor here took 2 buckets of stones there soon wouldn’t be any left”
“I’m not doing anything wrong”
“You are actually, it’s illegal”
“Who says it’s illegal”?
“The council”
“That’s not true”
“Do you live here”?
“No”
“Well I do, and I assure you that taking the stones is illegal”

So my neighbour suggested that I might like to have a word too. I did so, and my conversation with them went like this:

“Excuse me, did you know that those stones are part of the sea defences”?
“Are they really”?
“Yes they are, and taking them away is illegal”
“I saw some houses down there with stones from the beach”
“I believe you, but taking those stones is illegal”
“Who says so”?
“The local council”
“They can’t do that”
“They can, because local tax pays for the sea defences”
“I pay taxes too”
“I’m sure you do, but I shan’t be coming to where you live to take things that aren’t mine”
“These stones are the Queen’s” (believe me, that’s really what she said!)
“Well, now you know the situation and it’s up to you what you do about it”
(inaudible mumble under breath)
“I have a photograph of you, your car and the buckets. Good day to you”!

It’s easy to tell when someone is losing it and feeling guilty. The first sign was pointing out that others had done it too: “I saw some houses down there with stones from the beach”. So because others have taken stones that means it’s OK for you to do it too, does it? And I suppose it’s OK to kick an old person on the shins if someone else does it first as well. You have to love that defensive logic. But the real killer: “These stones are the Queen’s”. Besides the stunning irrelevancy of that comment is the implication that taking the Queen’s stones is OK. I bet that used to be an offence that could get your head chopped off!

They had a very expensive car too. You know, one of those luxury executive ones that cost a fortune. I have to wonder why such clearly well off people should go to the bother of stealing some stones from the beach when they could clearly afford to buy some. They’d even been told twice that taking the stones was illegal. I suppose sheer bloody-mindedness descended on them. They were going to have those stones come hell or high water. Still, at least my neighbour and I probably ruined their day. I bet they’ll still be talking about us until Christmas!

I suppose you don’t get rich by spending money. Someone once said that there is no righteous anger as strong as that of a millionaire deprived of a trinket they don’t need.

True dat.

Cheers, Tom.